Thursday, September 24, 2020

A Little Brown Cloud

SMERSH, the East German spy agency, kept the material remains of Hitler's bunker crowd until 1970. Yuri Andropov ordered the destruction of the remains and dump it in a river. Skulls, shin bones and such, were in a bad state of decay, but per orders, the bones were crushed with charcoal, burned in a gas kiln. The rucksack containing the ashes was taken to a river. The wind caught the ashes up into a little brown cloud and that was the last time anyone saw of Mr. and Mrs Hitler.

You might ask why it took so long to destroy the remains and the answer is the bodies were being used at a SMERSH base in Magdeburg to open demonic portals to other other times and spaces. Like Stargate but Doom. Soviet Doom. It's what gave the Soviet Union the first interstellar colony.

Luna Moy, a moon circling a gas giant around an F type star about 9.7 billion light years away, in the direction of the Pleiades, was officially called the Ark by the USSR. A mini-me USSR. And by 1969, when the mojo ran out on Hitler's skull, the Soviet Union had 370,000 colonists on Luna Moy.

Once the US found out about all this, they tried out all sorts of dead remains, starting with civil war generals, founding fathers, ol' Andy Jackson himself, all with poor results. Just not enough evil being generated for a subspace rift. And then they tried liberal skulls. Holy shit. If horsepower was hitlers, liberal skulls were* in the thousands of hitlers. The universe spread her legs wide for USA! USA! USA!

There are 300 stars on the US flag. 248 colony worlds spread throughout the Observable Universe, 192 billion light years across.

*Notice I said were because we burned through all our liberals. They are all dead. We tried to not kill them all, but, now we are burning through moderates.

No comments:

Post a Comment