Friday, March 25, 2022
Wednesday, March 23, 2022
I got my followup with the radiation doctor today, and here is the possible outcome after having a proton blast slammed into my right eyeball.
Short version? The tumor will shrink and die over the course of about a year and a half. It is hard to say what my eyesight will be like long term,but right nowit is like looking through a vascularized Sargasso Sea of tentacles and frog's eggs.
Longer version. Death and shrinkage of the tumor really isn't going to start until around May or June. Seriously? I impatiently asked. And then the tumor will slowly shrink and die down to maybe a 2 millimeter vestigial upside-down mushroom maybe a year from now, year and a half. .
The vision outlook is not so clear. Last visit to the fantastic retinologist it was determined I had 20/100* vision in the right eye. 20/20 in the left. (While we were about it, I asked the nurse to test my left eye without glasses and it was 20/25. That's not bad). There is going to be scarification of the macula (the face and color part of the retina), and minimizing the damage is the strategic plan. My guess is, based upon occasio0nal clear patches I see when the tumor sways, that the vision is still there. If we can keep the scarification to the tumopr stump, I just lose lower visual field. That's the hope, but I could still lose the eye.
Quality of life? I've essentially lost the eye, behavior and navigation-wise. In most cases, I close my right eye to operate better. I've debated wearing an eye patch, which makes things easier. I have lost a confidence I did not know I had,an ease of bodily presence. I was no catlike graceful strutter before, but this is almost intolerable. trying to raft this big ape body around the bends and rapids of day-to-day.
I'm not getting used to this shit either. And I have at least a ear and a half ahead of me, which BTW is also the rest of my life with impaired vision.
Cancer-wise, if things spread or go south in the next year and a half? I'll miss out on the apocalypse won't I?
*20/100 means things 20 feet away look 100 feet away
Saturday, March 19, 2022
Both north and south poles are melting as I type this. The Eastern Antarctic is experiencing a 2021 Pacific Northwest heatwave, relatively. It's late summer and the sun is still up, the temperature is 10F, when it should be -60F. Eastern Antarctica getting a heatwave is bad.
Though still late winter, the Arctic is already melting.
Some would chalk it up to freakish weather but I am, yes, alarmed. And yes, I am going to be an alarmist. We've put too much heat in the ocean and air. Expect big storms, weird storms. Global weirding we should have called it all along.
Seasons have shifted or collapsed, gone to Drought and Deluge. We must shape the landscape accordingly or disappear. Or hole up in cities, in fear of the skies.
At this point, I am almost George Carlin in black sympathy of homo sapiens sapien. Yes I would like everything to be nice, but that's not the plan. The plan is to be mice, or roaches, or ants, and eat everything down to stone. And if that is what we are to do, c'est la vie.
Après moi, le déluge