Tumor Talk

At least the tumor isn't talking through me. Yet.

Wednesday I was interviewed for surgery with a ocular oncologist Dr. Garcia. He is going to attach the tantulum clips in my sclera that will be used to triangulate the proton beam. 

At one point Dr. Garcia puts a bright light contraption on his forehead and said "This is going to be uncomfortable  Let me know if this gets to be too much". He proceeds to attack my eye socket with fingers and a pen, blinding me with the macro go-pro and an inch face to face. I go into shut down mode and it got pretty uncomfortable. I wasn't about to admit it.

After consulting Dr. Kim, my opthamologist, Dr. G showed me a picture of the tumor tugging on the retina. "I'd like to laser that down a bit, take some stress off that retina. Dr, Kim agrees. You'll retain more of your sight". "Go for it" I replied. "When?" "Noon tomorrow"

I was at the laser office the next day. Short story long, the reception room is packed, everyone wearing masks, sure, but at this point I guess we've all given in to endemic. Honestly I may just keep wearing the mask just to piss people off.. and because it's winter and masks better than scarf.

The nurse drops the dilator drug in my right eye. Back to the waiting room to let it work. Once in the laser room I am seriously disappointed in the gear. Nice restraining rig for my head, but I was expecting a laser beam. None to be seen.The laser was a 1970s stereo amplifier box with a cable and pen laser attached.

The nurse puts in more numbing eye drops and then Dr. Garcia appears with a needle. 

The needle in my eye.

You know how when you help an animal stuck in barbwire or something and you're hurting it more to free it and instead of fighting and biting the shit out of you, it freezes? Yeah, I froze.

The actual discomfort was kind of touching. It was my heroic right eye, which until now, working around a tumor that kept my sight at 20/40, cried out to me in dismay at this strange pressure and just a slight pain. Meanwhile I had put myself into a strange calm.

As Dr. G lasered the shit out of my tumor, I just stared a thousand miles ahead and I'll bet my pulse rate never got above 64.

They put a patch on my eye and sent me home. 

Well, I think they just pissed the tumor off. I can't see anything out of my right eye now. 

Starting to clear just a bit tonight, but still like the bottom of a frog pond. I guess I'm looking out through cooked flesh.