Tuesday, June 25, 2013

My Newfound Radioactive Powers

I misunderstood. I thought I was to undergo outpatient surgery today, and found out that this was merely a renal scan to check kidney function.

Well, there was no merely about it. It set me back $1200. They injected a dilute solution of technitium-99m-L,L-ehtylenedicystein into my veins, and then a gamma ray camera recorded the secret workings of innards. Technetium, as you are all aware, is the only element that has no stable isotope. It must therefore be manufactured - usually by neutron capture of molybdenum, the generator often being called a "molybdenum cow". I have partaken of its milk.

The technician was a very pleasant man of Indian extraction, and was therefore very hard to understand. At one point, he told me he going to administer me with a "Lasik", which I thought was a nice touch. But it turned out that was a diuretic which made me pee like a racehorse for the next hour or so.

"Girish" was the man's name. I plan on giving him high marks when I receive the evaluation card in the mail. In fact, I've had nothing but good experiences with Northwest Community Hospital, where the test, and many other outpatient procedures, have been performed on me.

So, that wasn't all that bad. I'm radioactive for the 24 hours. Not sure what to do with my newfound powers.

Perhaps I will go visit airport security.

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