Thursday, July 19, 2012

Word Substitution Game

I've noticed the term "job creator" has been getting a lot less usage in the press lately. I suppose it's gotten to the point where it a parody of itself, certainly almost immediately for anyone with a thinking brain in their head. And so it is time to move to the next agit-prop catch-phrase, which seems to be "job killer".

I know in my case, the phrase "job creator" became just another piece of noise. So much so, that I decided to substitute the word "unicorn" for "job creator", and it works pretty well. Consider this in an excerpt from a speech John Boehner made back in September of 2011:

"I can tell you the American people -- private-sector unicorns in particular --- are rattled by what they’ve seen out of this town over the last few years. My worry is that for American unicorns, all the uncertainty is turning to fear that this toxic environment for unicornation is a permanent state. Unicorns in America are essentially on strike."
And for me it sounds perfectly in tune with the standard GOP song and dance put out by their number one market hack, Frank Luntz. Remember what Frank said:
"...there's a simple rule. You say it again, and you say it again, and you say it again... and about the time you are absolutely sick of saying it is about the time that your target audience has heard it for the first time"
The rest of us, those who have a hard time ignoring all the fucking noise coming out of Washington, are also sick of it.

Given the current pitched battle occurring between liberals and conservatives over the role of the government in the direction of the economy, it is not surprising that usage frequency of the "job killer" phrase has increased probably a thousand-fold within the media over the past year. It has been used almost exclusively by Republicans, and usually invariably without any shred of attribution or fact verification.

Therefore, since the phrase threatens to become nothing more than noise, I propose that a new term "gargoyle" be substituted. Thus, when the California Chamber of Commerce releases its annual List of Gargoyle Bills, I might actually be interested. Or when the Christian Science Monitor carries an article entitled "Is Obama's tax plan a gargoyle?", I'd be inclined to read it:  
"Conservatives say the tax plan will harm small businesses - the nation's top unicorns... Mr. Romney doubled down on this assertion at a campaign event in Grand Junction, CO saying that higher taxes on unicorns and small businesses' are the last thing the struggling economy needs'. 'That will gargoyle' Romney said at the event."
Actually, you know what? That wasn't nearly interesting enough. And I am also tired of hearing the phrase "double down", and so will substitute "dry hump" for that, and then also I'm tired of hearing about taxes, and so will substitute "big fat ass" for that, and then also, while I'm at it, substitute "bottom" for business and "penis" for economy. So then we get:
 "Conservatives say the big fat ass plan will harm small bottoms - the nation's top unicorns... Mr. Romney dry humped on this assertion at a campaign event in Grand Junction, CO saying that higher big fat asses on unicorns and small bottoms' are the last thing the struggling penis needs'. 'That will gargoyle' Romney said at the event."
Of course, this also leads to awkward news items like "voters disapprove of President Obama's handling of the penis". Or "Glenn Hubbard, one of Mitt Romney's top penis advisors is promoting some questionable penis theories".

Well, that sword cuts both ways.

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