Tumor Talk

At least the tumor isn't talking through me. Yet.

Wednesday I was interviewed for surgery with a ocular oncologist Dr. Garcia. He is going to attach the tantulum clips in my sclera that will be used to triangulate the proton beam. 

At one point Dr. Garcia puts a bright light contraption on his forehead and said "This is going to be uncomfortable  Let me know if this gets to be too much". He proceeds to attack my eye socket with fingers and a pen, blinding me with the macro go-pro and an inch face to face. I go into shut down mode and it got pretty uncomfortable. I wasn't about to admit it.

After consulting Dr. Kim, my opthamologist, Dr. G showed me a picture of the tumor tugging on the retina. "I'd like to laser that down a bit, take some stress off that retina. Dr, Kim agrees. You'll retain more of your sight". "Go for it" I replied. "When?" "Noon tomorrow"

I was at the laser office the next day. Short story long, the reception room is packed, everyone wearing masks, sure, but at this point I guess we've all given in to endemic. Honestly I may just keep wearing the mask just to piss people off.. and because it's winter and masks better than scarf.

The nurse drops the dilator drug in my right eye. Back to the waiting room to let it work. Once in the laser room I am seriously disappointed in the gear. Nice restraining rig for my head, but I was expecting a laser beam. None to be seen.The laser was a 1970s stereo amplifier box with a cable and pen laser attached.

The nurse puts in more numbing eye drops and then Dr. Garcia appears with a needle. 

The needle in my eye.

You know how when you help an animal stuck in barbwire or something and you're hurting it more to free it and instead of fighting and biting the shit out of you, it freezes? Yeah, I froze.

The actual discomfort was kind of touching. It was my heroic right eye, which until now, working around a tumor that kept my sight at 20/40, cried out to me in dismay at this strange pressure and just a slight pain. Meanwhile I had put myself into a strange calm.

As Dr. G lasered the shit out of my tumor, I just stared a thousand miles ahead and I'll bet my pulse rate never got above 64.

They put a patch on my eye and sent me home. 

Well, I think they just pissed the tumor off. I can't see anything out of my right eye now. 

Starting to clear just a bit tonight, but still like the bottom of a frog pond. I guess I'm looking out through cooked flesh. 

Happy Covid Christmas

I always wondered what society would be like if people worshipped Thor instead of Jesus.

Both Iron Age religions, but Thor is a lot more mellow than Jesus beleive it or not. None of this weird cannibalsim of blood and body. Every one just carries around a hammer. Well, not children. You are initiated at the proper age and worthy of a hammer.

I bet after 2000 years you got some maniac hammer moves people do when they greet. It's Russian death ballet. 

And people bless each other with the hammer too. Hold your hammer over something and pray? Why not?

Although blessing with the hammer originally meant Thor jacked off to make the hammer blessing. Because they are barbarians and are used to bodily stuff happening.

With Thor as your savior, we don't do the Crusades, we don't do the insurrections and mass conversions, we don't get churches or cathedrals. We get forests. Manicured forests, just like you want.

Happy Mayonaisse.

This is my art project about the tumor in my eye

I used a #gan, a generative adversarial network, crude neural nets, to generate images. I said to the little AI genie "Show me the tumor in my eye". These grisly little nightmares did not disappoint:

Yeah, those #gans are... wow

Bronze Age Makings

Pouring molten metal again, the most expensive therapy. I have a college fridge of waxes going back to 2017. That's only 4 years ago but feels like 40.

Ladies Night

The days of the week are divided between Roman days (Saturday, Sunday, Monday) and Nordic days (TWRF). TWR are named after Norse gods Tyr, Wotan, Thor. F is Frigga's day. Frigga is not a name, it is a honorific, like Ms. Mrs. or Dame. Friday night is Ladies Night. What's your pleasure?

It's not a night out without a broken heel

I always knew I was wolves and ravens; packs and murders. 

What I didn't notice until now was how much of a baseball mitt my hand is.

If you wonder what the new version of capitalism is, it's the same. The Anglo-Dutch fire ant disruption version of capitalism. Why compete when you can eliminate? Our ExPlures fuck it.

Trump is retarded fag. How did he get elected? Ah, maybe ask the aliens. I dont' know.

Anyway, I'm trying to recapture the thrill of death from the cancer diagnosis but I can't prolong it. Every now and then I do feel the push to excel. Not much time left., must perform at maximum. I can't sustain much as I want to. It's like listenisng to fast beat music or cocaine. You don't want it to stop.

"Jews will not replace us"

No, they won't. Why would they want your shitty lives?

Let's take a break from tumor talk.

I'm on page 234 of The Dawn of Everything by David Graeber and David Wenslow. Graeber died in 2020 and this is a great loss as the duo had planned 3 sequels to this book. Graeber, Mr. 99% of Occupy Wall Street, was the Einstein anthropology needed. Writer of Bullshit Jobs and the magisterial Debt: the first 5,000 years, his insights are provocative and probably correct. 

What's my takeaway so far? We really need to study slavery and property rights in depth and from a great height. If you look at us as ape-shaped bugs, property is a spindling and folding of things as sacred things.

Sacred leading to rights; life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Unlike the three expanisve rights listed, property is the only restrictive right.  Me. Mine. Not ours. The talk of a tumor.

If you think property rights are a human right, you are probably conservative. If you beleve property rights supercede others, you are a sociopath. You probably think that humans can be property, commodified, financialized. Which gets us to slavery.

Slavery a perversion of intimacy and care. After a while you get an uneasy feeling of social parasitism run rampant. Chattel slavery is actually quite profitable, as note our current global economy. Slavery by descent, beleive it or not, not as profitable. Better to kidnap and human traffic after someone else has done all the nurturing. It's all gravy that way. The only purpose of breeding chattel slaves is if you think you can improve them. The racehorse theory. Which gets us to the commmodification of the vagina.

Women are cannons that shoot out babies that can become warriors or cannons. And once you look at it that way, you are a conservative.And if you think forced pregancy is slavery, you are a liberal.

Which gets us to our current Abortion Wars. The interesting thing about Roe V Wade and the states is it finally gives a civil war solid geographic boundaries. The Coasts against Flyover Country, with intense ultra-blue dots throughout the Heartland. Set piece battle line sdrawn. Id you are an idiot. Or Steve Bannon. Point being, there will not be a bloody civil war. There will be a divorce. And E Pluribus Unum ceases to exist.

Meh, so what. Another confirmation of the great stagnation since Q2 1972.