Tuesday, April 28, 2020

A Different Kind of Safe

As Americans go, I'm only 4th generation. Mom's side is from Norway, Dad's from Prussia. Not that pussy ass bitch Germany. Prussia. In fact I think we were part of the Prussian Murder Families that came over in the late 19th century to take advantage of dumb immigrants. Take them in on the farm, steal their money, feed them to the hogs.

Tired of TV, tired of looking at my phone, tired of playing the piano and messing with musical electronic gizmos, last night I perused the family memoirs. I read my Mom's family history.

What I can tell you is the past is a fucking horror story.

Plagues, disease, starvation, murder, mutilation, stillbirths, death of baby and momma in childbirth. Childhood accidents. Infants not living past a year. You name it. People run down by horses and carts. Death by Diphtheria. Typhus. Influenza. Measles. Smallpox. Mumps. Polio. Iron lung wards. Oh, and War. Violent Crime.

Jesus, I'm surprised any of my relatives lived long enough to get laid and eventually produce me.

I myself, born before Sputnik, had my share of diseases. Measles. Mumps (almost died). Chicken Pox. I got vaccines as well. Smallpox (you can barely see the immunization scar), polio, that's a big dodge of the bullet. I had two aunts, an uncle, and several great aunts and uncles on crutches.

Automobiles. I remember sitting in Mom's lap in the front seat no seat belts. Dad a little tipsy driving home from the park.

Dodged more than one nuclear calamity. The worst was in the mid-80s when the Soviet Union was convinced senile-in-office Ronald Reagan was going to launch a first strike. 50,000 nuclear warheads ready to go kaboom.

Kids today tell me how dangerous it is now, and how we had it so easy. Well, bullshit.

This COVID-19 is one weird fucking virus, but 1918 dangerous? Nope.

In many ways, today is much safer than when I was  akid, or at least, a different kind of safe.


  1. I'm not downplaying this novel coronavirus. If this thing wasn't invented in a lab, it should have been.

  2. not only all that but we left the house every morning in the summer and on weekends and didn't come back til dinner time. no one knew where we were, what we were doing, just kids out playing. surprisingly, none of us died.

    my dad had polio when he was a kid, left him with one leg shorter than the other. he made sure we showed up for the sugar cube the first time they dispensed them at a local elementary school.