Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Take The Colon Cleanse Challenge!

I am not ashamed to admit that I love TV. The trashier and stupider the better.

Hey, I'm allowed. I've read a lot of those... classy books you are supposed to read. I've eaten my intellectual veggies. I'm entitled to some empty calories every now and again.

Some of the best trash TV are the commercials. Recently, there is one on for a product called Colon Cleanse. Me, I'd have endeavored to come up with a better name, but I suppose they want the point to be plain and simple. Part of the charm of this commercial is a chart showing how much fecal matter you store depending on how often you have a bowel movement. If you go but once a day (according to the advertisers) you walking around with about 7 and a half pounds of excess fecal matter. BM every other day, 15 pounds, and so on! (Or maybe it was ounces, the point being, who is doing the comparison measurements here? Or wants to? Are there people who get excited over determining if you have excess fecal matter? I think there are! I think the Colon Cleanse people found just the resource they needed for that nifty chart!)

The rest of the commercial? Well, I don't care. As long as you eat fairly well, get in some moderate exercise, drink enough water, leave your colon alone. Believe me, not only does your colon know what it is doing, it knows better than you do how you are doing.

But I would suggest that they amend the commercial to present a colon cleanse challenge, like the laundry and dish detergent commercials used to do.

And actually, given the recent rustlings, hissings, and scratching of claws on glass that is coming from the reptile cage known as the political right, perhaps that is what all the fuss is about.

Paul Ryan recently released his "GOP Path to Prosperity" budget plan. Given the events of the past decade, I'd say there are some among the rigidly autocratic right that have a sense of humor. Oh, wait, he's serious? Never mind.

Aside from the dismantling of Medicaid and Medicare to pay for even more tax cuts for the rich, the plan calls for entry into fantasyland. Somehow, by 2040 or so, there will be a budget surplus, which will make our robot overlords very happy. And everyone will have a job at the Soylent Green plant.

Yeah, OK, there are plenty news articles out there explaining how ludicrous Paul Ryan's budget plan is. It's just completely unrealistic. So why did he do it? Knowing that it was all horseshit, why pull this type of empty political stunt? To get our minds off the looming budget crisis and government shutdown? Truth to tell, no one outside of Washington or the media coverage really gives a shit about that until it happens. Is it, as David Frum suggests, merely the Republican Party talking to itself?

"Note to self. Fuck over the poor and the middle class and give any remaining monies over to the rich. Uh. Oh! Did I say that out loud?"

I don't think so. I don't think they need a memo point to remind America how severe of an incompetently fucked up fuckups they are.

Here's my theory. I think that Paul Ryan, an admitted Ayn Rand worshipper, may just be getting some hints that, as all Ayn Rand worshippers are, he is so seriously full of shit that he may possibly be beyond even surgical intervention. And so Ryan is, very publicly, taking the Colon Cleanse Challenge!

What say folks, is Ryan carrying perhaps a bit too much excess fecal matter around?

Stay tuned. Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!

No comments:

Post a Comment