Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Stupid Ideas

I actually had an idea that was not stupid, once. Naturally, others thought of it as well. I'll get to that.

I've had a number of stupid ideas, but can only remember only a few. Perhaps shame and embarassment have something to do with memory retention.

The first I can recall was rawhide frisbies for dogs. You know how your dog chews up your frisbee, and after some time it is no fun throwing it? Because the dog has torn up the plastic and little thorny protrusions of plastic from the teeth marks cut your skin when you throw it? So, I figured. Fine. I got my frisbee. Dog has his. Go ahead chew the shit out of that fucker. Of course, he still wants to chase and catch your frisbee. And his frisbee is all chewed up and yuck. And so...

Green lights on the back of cars. You got red lights to signal when your breaking braking (jeez, I cannot spel todya). Why not green lights to signal when you are stepping on the gas? Uh, why? I don't know. Maybe to give people a scintilla of hope in a traffic jam? Maybe alleviate the monotony of a sea of red lights? Moving on...

The warm water tap. Next...

This one I got while watching the opening of the Las Vegas Star Trek Experience on TV. Amidst the celebrity shots and celebration was a long angle shot of the hotel and, well, lookee, there, hookers. Or high class prostitutes. Or probably just Orange County babes in Vegas. But then I thought. Hey! Makeup artists and latex makeup and we create alien hookers for the Star Trek geeks. You know, Vulcan hookers, Klingon hookers.

I mean, who doesn't want to do a Klingon hooker?

I might have to join the team get set up as a Klingon Pimp Daddy. I wonder how Klingon Pimp Daddies dress up? I can see the leapord or zebra skin fur coat, the cane, the big hat, maybe. But a feather in the big hat, or high heeled shoes with goldfish in them? I can't see a Klingon Pimp Daddy in that.

Anyway, anyone notice a common theme here so far? Perhaps the sweet blue musty musky earthy odor of cannabis?

Well, duh! Not lately, though. Least ways, not so you could notice...

Which brings me to my idea. A little background. In fourth grade, I had a bout with some kind of viral crud which put me down for a week. I recovered, except that I had damage to the nerves in my ears. I lost a lot of the high end of hearing, which is kind of crucial in conversations. Old age and rock'n'roll abuse and power tools have not helped. So I am well on my way to becoming stone deef.

So, once DVDs came out and the machines had subtitle options. I was so on that. And then one day, I'm coming out of the theater, and it was an English comedy ("Snatch", if you must know), and I was a little disappointed that I didn't catch all of the dialogue that everyone else was laughing at. "It's too bad they don't have subtitles, or at least like heads-up display closed caption glasses that I could wear to see the subtitles without the other folks having to see them".


Of course, subtitle glasses. Fuck those 3-D glasses. I'm color blind anyway so they don't work.

Of course, a quick googling brought me down to Earth. Someone else had thought of it, and they were in development. Actually, they should be available now.

So where the hell are they?

(Oh, and if anyone makes monies off of the Klingon Pimp Daddy, I want my cut).

1 comment: