Monday, February 14, 2011


as in rhymes with small peckery.

I don't know should I cut that rancid asshole media creature some slack? I mean, he's just too easy to make fun of. I don't care about him anyway. I will suggest the following definition for "glennbeckery" though.

The attempt to present, in an incompetent and clumsily fraudulent authoritative manner or protocol, misleading information that will influence the weak, the timid, and the feeble-minded by means of fear and intimidation.

As opposed to the other definition I found out in the interwebs, which is "mega-assholery". Succinct, I'll give it that.

(But, you know, I think of the term more along the lines of his fake history perfesser persona. Jeez, if Obama had only known that all he needed to teach congressional law at UC was a blackboard and glasses, he could have saved himself all that effort and real scholarship. He could, have, you know, just faked it on TV. And then you've got Glenn's choice of faith. But, you know, if you want to present your bona fides as a true bugfuck crazy collapsitarian, best to pick a faith with a major branding problem).

I received in the mail a form letter that appeared to very official and federally tax related. I don't think a copyright infringement is involved here (I'm sure the corporate entity that sent it had their legal department check it out). But it appears to be something that I should be worried about.

Now, keep in mind, I've had a bullshit detector installed in my brain since I was twelve. And it has been set on maximum sensitivity. So much so, that actual facts often set the klaxons blaring and red lights to flash.

But this letter was so blatantly clumsy, I switched off my bullshit detector before it even had much of a chance to register it.

I'd post a picture of it, but it's more fun to describe it. So, you've got the standard US government IRS looks about it. The graphic format, the fold strip openings at the side, the fake form id  "FORM 11598". And then, warnings that never appear on official documents but look official appearing not once but twice: "WARNING: There is a $2,000 fine or 5 yrs imprisonment or both for any person obstructing or interfering with the delivery of this letter - US MAIL SEC.1708" It applies to all letters, but hey.

There is a little disclaimer to indicate it is not from the government so that they don't get in trouble, but disguised to look like more big guv't scary: "Business Mail - Penalty for Tampering".

And then on the back, a really big warning reiterating the Sec 1708 mail tampering shit.

And then when yo open, it, a really nice copy job of a W2 box format using the IRS fonts and with a big 2010 just like in the tax forms. And then, in 8 point type, psst, hey,  "This is not a government document".

And then it is all balloons and dancing bears after that. Arlington Nissan wants to sell me a car. Here's a big money number, $37,941 and zero cents as my available line of credit. With an additional  $15,759 and zero cents for who the fuck knows what. I guess I'm to assume that together the sum is my authorized amount, but that's for my greedy little mind to figure out.

So, they got me all palm sweaty and worried, and then, oh, no Mr. Kurman, it's good news, and we really don't give a shit about your credit history. We are pants-shittingly generous with monies that you will eventually owe us!

And now, a word from Goldbug!

No comments:

Post a Comment