Sunday, January 13, 2013

"Generals gathered in their masses-

- I can't see nothin' without glasses!"

Ozzy Osbourne never sang that, but I just did. I got glasses. I had to get glasses, My eyes were getting bad.

I've always had good eyesight. Like, eagle eye, fighter pilot, astronaut kind of eyesight. Most everyone goes through the nearsighted phase, the cheaters at 40 phase, and I did as well. But I never figured I would need glasses. Well, my last road trip down to Indiana convinced me to get some glasses. Road signs were getting blurry, even from a short distance.

So, off to the eye doctor. He had read the chart, and no, I had no problem reading the tiniest line. But then he had me use just one eye, and when I covered my left and used my right... Holy Cow! I couldn't even read the third line of five! All this time, my miraculously complex visual cortex had been compensating. I guess that's why it occupies nearly a third of your brain, to do all that fantastic visual magic that allows to see the world seamlessly.

So, $435!!!! dollars later, I got glasses. Now I look like a grandpa. It's strange and takes some getting used to. Like living in a fishbowl. I actually felt a little queasy for a bit. And I can't wear my glasses too close to my face, because my lovely long lashes brush up against the lenses. And I'm obviously a vain person, because I seem to be the only that notices I have glasses now.

On the plus side, I can see again. I'm back to my old driving habit of driving a mile ahead of me (because now I can see a mile ahead of me), and I am surprised at how closed in my world had gotten.

Wow. Next stop, cataract surgery, I guess. In about thirty years.


  1. I've always been the only one in my family that didn't need glasses. I'm still getting by with the cheaters although they keep getting stronger. I can see far well enough though the last time I had my eyes check they wanted me to have bi-focals which I did get and wore for probably less than a year. The correction for distance was so minimal, I couldn't really tell the difference so I quit wearing them.

    1. I am similar straits. Last in my family to get glasses. But in my case, they actually work. Although today I took them from getting a headache. Baby steps I guess.

  2. Are those single-vision or multi-focal with progressive lenses?

    $435 is a very large introductory note to tote, but next time, when you refresh that prescription and update your frames - I expect to see a signature style of frame rather than those generic steel grandpa glasses. The father of mechanicules CAN NOT be running around in a pair of knights of columbus safety glasses!

    After you fall asleep in those jokers a couple of times, they'll bend around, loosen up, and get properly crooked such that your eyelashes no longer brush up against them. Tell me those have cable temples and that you got some snap on magnetic sunglass covers that go over those jawnts when you're out in the bright sunlight?

    Yesterday, I updated my prescription and got some new frames, shuron sidewinders with progressive polycarbonate transition lenses.

    1. Lineless bifocals, and I get a distance pair with them, but yes, even with the insurance discount it was a bit of a pants-shitter.

      As to the frames, I tried the heavy carved-tortoise-shell hipster doofus style frames and everyone agreed I looked like a special needs person. Now, if Google glass gives me a dynamic focal lens, I am all in. Or if glowing red Terminator bionic eyes are made available, I'll jump for those as well.