Thursday, January 13, 2011

An All-American Fairy Tale

The Wizard of OZ is one of the very few shared experiences that unite Americans as a culture. Whether you've only seen the movie, or read the book as well, hardly matters. The experience and enjoyment of it is universal, and transcends pretty much any categorical barrier within our society that you choose to erect.

It is a fairy tale, but it is a distinctly American fairy tale. It stars an ordinary little girl from an unremarkable portion of the country. Like the promise of the American Dream, its a journey that could happen to anyone.

L Frank Baum, who wrote the book, took great pains to avoid any fearsome moralizing or frightful ethical consequences. But still and all, given that it is a fairy tale, there is some scary shit in there: murder, bloodshed, treachery, threatening skywriting. The movie was toned down considerably, but even so, there is still scary shit in the movie. The fantastic performance of Margaret Hamilton as the Wicked Witch of the West alone has made generations of children cry. Not to mention the tornadoes in Kansas, or the flying monkeys, or the more psychological terror of Dorothy waiting for the hourglass to run out.

So, despite all these attempts to make the experience "to pleasure children of today", and not provide any type of moral for the story, there is one, and it is a distinctly American, in the sense of anarcho-capitalist altar worship, which is simply this:

Caveat Emptor. Let the buyer beware.

Now, why would I say that? Consider. A con-man, an Omaha huckster, posing as a great and powerful wizard, recognizes that a rube who has already shown homicidal tendencies (albeit manslaughter, but still..) may be just the pawn to get rid of a very magically real threat, in the form of the wicked witch. He makes false promises to fool them in engaging in a suicide mission. When they comply, and are successful, it turns out he was never in a position to help them. He is a fraud, a fake, a phony.

He's a humbug, and what a cute and harmless word to use. Not bogus piece of shit. Not a motherfucking liar. Not a cocksucking cheat, not a shyster, not a quack, not a fucking weasel dick rat fuck scumbag. No, he's a humbug. He's not a very bad man. Don't wag your finger in his face! He's a very good man, just a... a bad wizard.

Yeah, well, never give a sucker an even break. Never smarten up a chump. Should have read the fine print before you signed the dotted line. It's your own damn fault that you bought into my line of shit. Etc.

Caveat emptor. Not, "there's no place like home", or "you had it in you all along", or even "can do" American spirit. Just a oopsie! Did I do dat? Ah, well, you all should have known better! You learned a valuable lesson! Bad shit happens to good people. Not everyone is a nice person.

So, the point of this? Well, watch out for hucksters. People who set your BS detector off, or in my case, pegs it right to the maximum limit.

People like Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, self-serving right wing assholes who scurry under rocks the minute the wind they sowed comes back as a whirlwind, in the form of impressionable loons with semi-automatic pistols. Am I suggesting that their hateful and divisive rhetoric, designed to scare the piss out of already insecure and timid Americans, was the prime motive behind a lunatic's spree killing? No.

But it sure didn't help.


  1. I'ma go on record as stating my belief that the Limbaugh-Bill'O-Savage-Beck-Palin dogwhistle provides a valuable public service.

    Personally, I much prefer having the muhphuggaz loudly self-identify and aggregate - rather than quietly stew and marinate in pockets of surreptitious hate - all the while plotting and planning an orgiastic extravaganza of Minnesota-nice retribution the very minute they believe they might be able to get away with it.

    but tha's jes me....,

  2. I wrote a prescient piece on that last year called "Let All the Poisons Hatch Out" which... well, no, it wasn't prescient at all. But you'll notice I didn't ask for these people to shut the fuck up (despite the fact that I do yell at the radio and TV when I happen to catch one of these dipshits during their spew). This was more in keeping with the classic liberal personal responsibility sentiment that these useless cocksuckers mouth without any real sincerity.

  3. "Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud hatch out" Romans 1:18-25

    Now THAT'S what I'm talkin bout!!!

    Those fat, slovenly, pampered, privileged, butter-bunned lard-heads will get the crap kicked out of them!

    rotflmbao.., as I wishfully thought out loud to my man Arnach y'day; Can't we just have a neo-Edo-wildwest restoration of open carry - including edged weapons as well as firearms? Stylish, courtly, romantic, and the obvious low-cost, high-yield crime reduction solution.

    OK, so there'll be a little bit of dueling, a little public blood out in the streets, but the potential Darwinian upside benefits outweigh any youthful psychological scarring associated with a periodic splattering with ruby liquid pearls, or, a light spritzing with a human tissue aerosol.
    Law and order every time I say...,{as a side benefit, Edo Japan had zero population growth for nearly 300 years!!!}

    I am absolutely counting on these nitwits to resurrect romantically imagined aspects of "the good old days" hopefully before I get too old, too stiff, and too slow to make the most of it.

  4. Actually, the federal government has no prohibitions against dueling. It is a matter left up to the states... although, I'm sure, if a federal case is to be made, there's always a murder rap to slap on the participants. My home state of Indiana, and my current state of Illinois, have no restrictions o dueling. You want to avoid the activity in Rhode Island, for example, where, if memory serves, even acting as a second gets you a $600 fine (and no, I do not speak from personal experience). I do think you are on to something, that more of these pea-brains need to act on their impulses so they can (hopefully) be bestowed with Darwin awards. Unfortunately, given the inadequate weapons training your average American goes through, we have to accept a lot of collateral damage as a result...

  5. Michigan is an 'open carry' can even attend an open carry rally occasionally...but beware of the anti-open carry people...they're dangerous...

    Haven't heard of any dueling caused by this open carry...just lots of fun showing off the firearms...ever notice that a person changes their walk/stance when they are carrying...

  6. Judy what I'd like to see is all the drama queens just drop this shit about how the guv'mint is wantin ta take away mah guns. That is, of all the manufactured issues, probably the biggest farrago the dithering bilthering buttholes have ever manufactured. The gun control issues are finalized, the 2nd Amendment is here to stay, and any restrictions do nothing but increase gun sales. And the price we all pay, something we just have to get used to, is one of the world's highest per capita firearms related death rates, and the annual or semi-annual murder spree by lunatics.

    Welcome to America. Be sure to stop by the body armor aisle if you plan to stay long.

  7. I find it interesting that you can find a study going either way as far as more guns, less crime or more guns, more gun's all in interpretation and which way you lean...most people who carry never use their gun, some are shot by their own gun...but many of them are brave enough to come to the rescue when the need arises...unfortunately, there will always be some crazy who decides to kill and he/she will find a way usually with much sensationalism in the media...