"How do they go in to the bladder? Through the wiener?"
"Yup".
"What? Did they put a camera up there?"
"They put a lot of stuff up in there. I think it was a contest. I suspect I looked like an umbrella stand towards the end".
"That's bad!"
"The worst part is the Foley catheter they insert in you post-surgery. I had that thing in me for a weekend, and it was the longest weekend I ever had. You have a constant urge to pee, but can't. It's impossible to ignore. And the removal? Oh, man!"
Wow, so huge amount of the wrong kind of fireworks for the Fourth of July coming up. What's wrong with me? My left ureter is blocked, by either a cyst or cysts plural or a tumor. Th emergency room doctor handed me a diagram, to which I remarked "Geez, could you have found a more alarming graphic?"
So, the kidney is all swolled up and shut down. I've had a few anxiety attacks, which I attribute to the adrenal glands, which set right on the kidney, reacting to the bad news about the downstairs neighbors. I'm sure the kidney is none too pleased either.
I'd be a fool to say I'm not worried about this. I have a huge amount of apprehension. So, here's the funny thing (among others) - my mother informed me that one of her friends set it up so that a whole convent of Scottish nuns will be praying for me on Tuesday.
Hey, the enemy of my enemy is not necessarilly my friend. But the friends of my friends are always friends. And, despite being a orthodox agnostic (because, despite their insistence they are under no burden of proof, being an atheist requires faith), I'll take any help from any quarter in any manner I can get it.
Oh, and another cast glass is out of the kiln:
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| Electric Peanut |
dude...all the best and hope it is quick and painless. ha.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I will add your good wishes into my good will accumulator. Yours is at least equal to a Scottish nun convent.
DeleteWhat do you get for pain relief for this procedure? Local, an epidural, or do they put you out whilst rotorooting?
ReplyDeleteI will be in the universe next door during this procedure. Hopefully with technicolor cartoon characters and kaleidoscopic swirly things.
DeleteSadly, when done correctly, anesthetic "consciousness" oblation is shockingly thorough - so this is just a quick check to see if you returned from oblivion with a new piece of metal mesh in your fuselage?
ReplyDeleteNo new bionic enhancements (although the geography of such would suggest an interesting elevator-pitch for a porn treatment). As laundry lists go, they didn't even get halfway through. More surgeries to look forward to. But the pee in my ankle bag has gone red wine to cranberry juice to pink lemonade to Apple juice. I heal quickly, so I got going on...
DeleteDude... Hope everything is well.
ReplyDeleteBut honestly... I stopped reading and walked away at,"Through the wiener.".
Thanks, man, but that's Life, unedited and unexpurgated. Considering even ten or twenty years ago they'd have gut me like a fish, scraped me out, and left me with a pee bag by my side, and maybe even wiener-less. Or a hundred years ago, when I'd have just died a horrible death "by the Stone" as they used to call it, unable to pee, this fairly noninvasive procedure is infinitely preferable.
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