Thursday, September 19, 2013

Sept. 19, 2113

A delegation of Whoopsie-daisians1 requested an audience with the Queens2 to volunteer as sacrifice to the Moon Beast3. Her Majesties provided the quantum informatic equivalent of a pat on the head and replied "How delightful of you to offer, dears. But sadly no. All billets have been taken".

In matters of greater import, the Queens consulted the vast plastic intelligences of the Gyres4 to determine the best time to launch the rescue mission to Tau Ceti5. The Gyres were reported to have replied "Gzzklyzktzyzk", which, upon spooky action into the past, was deemed a favorable outcome. The expedition will proceed in the next few weeks.

The nostalgia industries report an uptick in democracy. The current fashion favors the Hawkins number6 given the recent culls within the Chimera party.

In related nostalgia industry news, advances in paladium-doped boron nitride columnar nanotubes open the way for radiation shielding of large scale habitats, making space colonization finally viable for Mundanes7. Spokespersons for the most viable populations in sub-Saharan Africa have so far expressed no interest.

The wonderful soothsayer George Carlin has been resurrected. After a brief ceremony in the mile deep recesses beneath the  Joachimsthal Radium Palace, Mr. Carlin has opted to shift shape and join the Aberrants8 on Mercury.

The Mosaic Party9 has petitioned the Union of Formerly Russian Imperial Stouts for time share occupation in the various restricted zones. Reason cited was "Current background radiation does not suit our mutation quotas".

The Peoples Republics of Chinas are offering up an IPO of their Venusian Dragon10 biotech industry. Starting bids at 150 million pounds/share, or equivalent in updated vacuum tube technologies for their google skull beakers11.
google skull beaker

In business news, a rally on Toxins suggests current abyssal thermoelectric transmission conduits will soon be deep-mantle-worthy.

In related business news, lead-bismuth- and lead-tellurium-selenium- based biolife are posing a challenge to the existing liquid lead forms on Venus. Extraction companies take note!

The Philharmonic Society requests thematic contributions for the autumnal performance of the First Siege of Fort Meigs, conducted by General Henry Proctor, with a virtuoso solo by Chief Tecumseh12.

In entertainment news, Tyr the Complacent constructs a rubidium BEC stele upon Eris to commemorate his tour of the Edgeworth-Kuiper Belt. Fans clone, flock, and swoon.

In related entertainment news, Rufosity!13 has been restored to full power. You know, Rufosity!


1 - Formerly citizens of the United States of America, reinculcated into the Commonwealth in 2076, after the Glorious Suzammenbindenkugelblitz. The United States of America was bombed out existence in WWIII (2022-2022), but in a historical irony, had built up enough intellectual fodder to allow the Refugia to the attain the next S-surve of technology.

2 - Hive entity that is titular head and occasional tyrant of the British Empire, composition depending upon the constraints/optimals/vagaries of the geo-socio-political-economic fitness seascape.

3 - Pretty much what it says, lives in the hollow core of Earth's Moon.

4 - Formerly the Garbage Patches, the effluvial plastic accumulations formed within Earth's oceans. George Carlin was correct that Nature Wanted Plastic. As it turns out, dioxins and various toxic petrochemicals are the best and densest storage media for electronic intelligence. The fact that so many of these materials are toxic to humans mattered not one whit to Nature, in the same way that we do not concern ourselves over the wants and needs of our stomach linings when manufacturing concentrated hydrochloric acid.

5 - One the production of negative mass (antimatter) in large enough quantities was available, stellar tectonics and manipulation of gravity waves made it clear that the Earth was one big telegraph key receiving messages from the surviving Sestren and Brethren of our nine-billion-year-old parent civilization. Our cousins on the second planet of the star Tau Ceti were, believe it or not, in even more straightened circumstances than Earthoids. Given the programmatic instruction of altruism embedded in all life, an errand of mercy was never in doubt.

6 - 1,048,576 The maximum number of people a xenomorphic humanoid can remember.

7 - Mundanes: unmodified humans

8 - Aberrants: modified humans, favoring the inner planets of the Solar System, xenomorphic, and, um, tend to favor lots of thorns as adornment.

9 - splinter of Chimera party, currently the Loyal Opposition, enjoys the more radioactive portions of Earth, including the High Plains  and Deep South of North America, the Islands of Japan, the Korean peninsula, and the Middle East.  It should be noted that WWIII, by seriously depopulating the planet, was the best thing to happen to wildlife since Chernobyl.

10 - Biomechanical critters that stripmine Venus for the heavier elements, really do look like dragons!

11 - Not to be confused with google skull breakers.

12 - Since it's only mimicry, Global Causality Violation is not considered a problem, but do take note that things that used to be lost to the mists of time are now not.

13 -
Do Not Fuck With Rufosity!

1 comment:

  1. Yes, I know, WTF, but it's all shit I've been mulling over the past few months, that has been condensed into these items.