Dorky Uncle John

Women say that dorkiness is sexy. Sure. And size doesn't matter.

I am the dorky one in the family. Which is to say that I will do something clumsy at just the most public moment. If I got an Oscar, I'd trip on the stairs going up. I wouldn't hurt myself, because I am surprisingly athletic (especially when I am not thinking), but I will go through the most awkward overcompensations and pantomimes to keep from falling. I'd look a lot more graceful if I just fell on my face.

My younger brother Jim is the natural athlete of the family. Grace in motion, and probably because he doesn't think at all about what he is doing, just does it. Jim had to give up on sports because of bone spurs. I remember Coach Bird asking me if Jim went out for football in high school, and I said no.

"That's a damn shame", he said "Best natural athlete I ever saw".

And that's true. Not to brag, I've a very good equilibrioceptory sense and a discriminating kinaesthetic. But only when I'm not self-conscious. When I shut down the forebrain and just be an animal, I am beautiful in motion. But Jim just runs circles around me.

Not that I had a dork episode, but memories pop up, my ears turn red, and all those little beads of sweat pop out. That actually happened to me last night after I got up to pee. Couldn't get back to sleep reviewing all those episodes of dorkiness.

As I've said before, the second you start thinking of yourself as an animal is the second you become a lot less neurotic.

Speaking of animals, looks like Trump has the nomination sewn up, which is just as well, because every single candidate within the GOP is just a wretched imitation of a human animal. They pretty much all remind of that sociopathic butthole, Grover Norquist.

Google don't lie about Grover Norquist. He's a poopy head. See?

Speaking of the GOP, I get an interesting feeling that a major announcement is going to occur on April 1st. It kind of depends on whether Trump succeeds in getting enough delegates by then, but if he does, my prediction is that he will announce it has all been a practical joke.

Think about it. If just runs for President, he's just be another what-his-name. Like Perot, or Wallace. But if this is a prank, it's the prank of the century. He's already directing the narrative. He's already gotten his opponents to act like the childish narcissistic nihilists they truly are. (Seriously, he got Rubio to talk about his dick)! He's got elites in the party squirting brown stains just thinking about him. He's got a lot hissing and spitting and limb chewing rampant on the reptile floor of the GOP. (I know, looking at Cruz, that that statement is redundant).

And if he announces "Gotcha" on April 1st, he pants the Republican party. Publicly humiliates and destroys an entire party.

Legnedary. Fucking epic prank.

And not soon enough, given that - eventually - the United States of America will be a rightwing dictatorship anyway. but in the meantime, all your base are belong to us.