Wednesday, January 7, 2015

The House In The Woods

From 12/30/2014 to 01/03/2015, I was house and dog sitting for my brother and his family while they visited the new grandchild in KC. His house is surrounded by neighbors in the woods of south of town, but for all the human contact I had, it might as well have been a cabin in the Yukon.

By the end of the week, some people would have the electric taste of steel and gun oil in their mouths (and that would have made for an interesting scene with brother coming home and me quickly pulling the barrel of a shotgun from under my incisors, pulling my big toe away from the trigger, and saying "Oh hi! You're home early!").

I'm not one of those people. Not that I haven't had thoughts of suicide. Everyone does. No I mean I am perfectly happy all by lonesome - and that may be a huge problem for me. I can entertain myself pretty much indefinitely, and I know few other people who can crack themselves up the way I can.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Oh... nothing".

It's not just me that is possessed of a rich internal life. I've asked my brothers and they all get along quite well on their own. I know other people - extroverts, I'd suppose you'd call them - who start to go quite bonkers without feedback from other people.

Of course, intoxicants really help. But I have a solid protocol on that. I'm disciplined about it.

  • No having fun until all the work is done. 
  • Drinking alone? Not a problem. (Only people who are worried that they are alcoholics worry about drinking alone). 
  • After dinner? Definitely, unless out to eat, in which case a cocktail or two is required. 

So, I get fucked up later in the evening, and usually curtail it around the witching hour. Besides, it's the holidays, so what else I got to do? So, if you saw a late night message that was not entirely coherent? Yeah, that was probably me...

I brought my macbook and keyboard with so I could practice chords and scales on the piano via garageband. That is a nightly thing anyway. I watched a lot of bad TV on cable. Glad I don't have cable.

The dogs were a bit of a pain in the ass. I had to clean up poop twice. (One a cannon shot all over the basement throw rug, which went outside for the residents to take care of). The dogs are used to sleeping on the bed with their family. I wasn't going to do it, but after one night of barking and whining, I gave up and let them sleep with me. And you know what? It was quite pleasant. They didn't stink or fart or anything.

I had to keep an eye on them when they went out, because they are little dogs, and there are coyote and bobcat and lynx out in the woods. I don't consider it a big deal, as the neighbors whom I never saw all have dogs, but I was admonished to keep an eye on the little guys, so I did.

(And if a mountain lion or an eagle had grabbed one? I guess I would have said "Hey! Stop that! Put that down!" because that would have been the extent of my threat escalation).

The cat?  I had no problem with the cat.

That cat is quite possibly the best cat in the known universe.


  1. Not too sure how the cabin in the woods would work for me, but if you gave me some ruins or an abandoned/depopulated city - I'd gladly go all Robert Neville and be happier than a pig in slop. Growing up an only child with primary responsibility for keeping myself amused and engaged has everything to do with that abiding self-satisfaction. Give me some superballs like the ones they sell in Old Navy for $.25 and I'm in literal hog-heaven. I can bounce/catch/chase a superball off a wall for hours at a time.