The 'Lost' Finale

I'm sorry folks, but I just can't give a shit.

If it weren't for the fact that I just happened to catch a snippet of news this morning, I'd never have known that ABC TV's show 'Lost' was having their series finale tonight. It doesn't help that time restrictions have kept me from watching much of prime time TV for the past five years. That and the fact that I don't have cable leaves me out of a lot of conversations. Is that bad? It's not like I'm a TV snob. Hell, I love TV. If I could, I'd be a fat, old slob on a couch. But I've got obligations to fulfill, bills to pay, a life to live. (No offense, couch potatoes).

I've had chances to watch TV shows. From the few viewing opportunities I've had, some shows look interesting. Other shows just do not engage me. 'Lost' is one of them.

I had a chance to watch a season synopsis, where the show summarizes everything up to now. I sat through the whole thing. At the end, I said, "Well, looks like I don't need to watch this for another year".

Now, I'm introspective enough to wonder what the buzz is about. Why are so many people fascinated with this show? Is it me? Am I suffering from Hollywood/TV imposed and inflicted ADHD? Is it possible I need everything explained and resolved?

No, its not that. I may not be a dramatist or TV critic, but I do recognize the need for suspense in a mystery. The question is, like in music or sex, how long do you prolong the tease before the resolution? Take it too far and it gets irritating. Leave too many things unresolved and I lose interest. Not because it is too complicated. But because it is too contrived.

It's a false mystery.

Questions are set up that do nothing to drive the narrative forward. Just as there are some action movies that make use of maddeningly jittery and quick cut edit shots to create a sense of velocity to the action (as opposed to, oh, I don't know, writing a good story) and create what I call false action, so you can have false mystery.

Not to mention I'm unable to empathise with the characters. They are all just too stupid. Like in frustration comedy, they have to choose the least straightforward course of action - not because they are flawed human beings, but because the law of melodrama - suspense for suspense's sake - requires it.

And then there's the whole "Save the World" theme. "The fate of the world depends upon what you do next". In today's TV and movie land, I think that's the corpse of a horse that's been pummeled into a thin veneer. Don't you think that's just a little infantile? Just a touch self-serving in an emotionally immature manner?

Am I a snob? I don't think so. Contrarian? Sure, why not.

Well, anyway. You 'Lost' fans. Enjoy your show.

(Oh, and uh, the 'Matrix' movies all sucked a big, red rubber cock. And I can give you ten solid reasons why).