Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Completely slipped my mind -

- I broke up a fight at the college this past Friday. Actually I prevented a fight. Probably.

I was done for the day, dropping off my timesheet at the admin building. There is a designated smoking area in a covered walkway outside of the entrance. I heard shouting as I approached, and coming around the corner, two heavyset kids engaged in a shoving and shouting match. A smoker crowd stood in the background away from them, and a small slight kid, with his eyes to the ground, was attempting to intervene, saying "Calm. Calm".

They were both dressed, actually they were all dressed, in what I am told is a now a years out-of-date gothic/punker garb, with metal studs and chains hanging on their pants and shirts. Kind of like what is pictured here, but not quite.

Both kids were getting louder, and the shoves more forceful, and so, as an employee of the college, and, wow, an official adult I guess, I had to intervene. I remember feeling very tired and put upon to have to do this bullshit, and sighing to myself "oh for christsake". But in any case, I mustered up my best drill sergeant voice, and said, with just the right volume, loud enough to startle, "HEY!".

That broke the spell on them. So I glared really intensely at them, the way I'm really good at, the way that I'm told scares most people, and followed it up with a "...don't you boys have a class to go to?"

They both instantly kind of slumped, and started whining at me about how it was his (the other guys) fault, so I ended the whole scene with a very tired, almost Nick Nolte kind of growled "Get the fuck outta here!"

And they did.

And then I went into the building just in time to watch Security hustling towards me. A kid and an older guy in uniforms, and the old guy has a holster on him. I think the only campus cop allowed to carry. The altercation must have went on long enough that someone called it in.

I said "Are you guys looking for the fight?"


"It's over with. I broke it up".

"Oh" and then, once that sunk in, "Oh sir. No. No. You let us handle that next time".

I waved my hand in invitation, "Me casa es su casa" I replied, getting a puzzled look in turn.

I invoke Rodney King quote, "Can't we all just get along?"

And the answer is, "When you compare us to the other Great Apes, Rodney? We are pretty fucking calm".

If chimps could use guns, they'd have wiped themselves out a million years ago.

So, despite appearances to the contrary, we actually do get along pretty damn well.


  1. Well, good for you. you broke up the fight, sent them on their way and nobody got in trouble for being stupidly human. I can't help but think that if more adults acted like adults and intervened when they saw kids being stupid instead of 'letting the authorities handle it', maybe things wouldn't be so fucked up.

    1. This is my 4th fight to break up here at the college. Believe it or not, one fight involved two retired old guys in their eighties arguing over a tool.

      Funny thing how each time coming in to it, the amount of imagined effort is maybe only one tenth the required effort to intervene. Guy fights are easy to break up. Girl fights...?