2011: The Year of The Incompetent Fuckup

Let it be known throughout the land that I hereby declare the year 2011 as The Year of The Incompetent Fuckup.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

My understanding is that - starting with December 20th, 2010, South Carolina's secession from the Union - that the sesquicentennial anniversary of the Civil War is to be celebrated with varying degrees of asshabberdashery and dipshittery.

Dueling Banjos from "Deliverance"

South Carolina always struck me as the distilled and concentrated essence of the southern stereotype: the Deliverance Banjo Boy, the halfwit inbred cousin kept in the attic or the cellar, the bugfuck ignant, close-set-eyed, gappy-toothed, flatheaded, stoop-shouldered, undernourished, ill-clothed, pig-fucking, parasite-infested, subhuman, albino CHUD blinking stupidly in the light of day. And some would argue that's probably being generous.

Well... well, no. I'm sure they are very nice folk once you spend time with them. Once you get past the fact that they elect silly little cocksuckers like Jim DeMint to the Senate (ah, but Kentucky's got 'em beat!). Still and all, celebrating the advent of the Confederacy strikes me about the same as celebrating the time your Aunt Mable developed that strawberry growth on her face that sprouted ugly looking boar bristle hair and then metastasized into a disfiguring condition that eventually slowly and painfully killed her. In other words, it wasn't exactly a good occasion.

Don't get me wrong. This is part of our history as a nation. We cannot ignore it, nor can we afford to look at it with anything other than clear eyes and honest admissions. It's a Greek Tragedy in capital letters. And even though my families were still back in the Old Country having their faces shoved in shit-turned mud by local aristocrats, I, by mere presence as a contemporary citizen enjoying the fruits of liberty share no small responsibility in - well, I'm not entirely sure. National guilt? Shame? Something.

Well, let me get to the fucking point. What I DON'T want to see celebrated is some kind of horse-shit from the State's Rights crowd down South or elsewhere. The idea that the Civil War was all about state's rights is just such pure and unmitigated horse-shit that I am surprised anyone who holds this opinion is sane or smart enough to hold a steady job. Really, these cocksuckers should be shipped back to whatever shithole in Europe they sprouted from, and room made in the US for decent and more deserving citizens from India or Africa or some other less fortunate place. Many in the South would prefer that this not be about slavery, that the war was never about slavery. Ignore, please the fact that in the Confederate Constitution, the word "slave" is used TEN TIMES! (In the original, in the REAL Constitution, the one time the word "slave" comes close to being used: Article 1 Section 2, the 3/5ths compromise, the Founding Fathers are either too cowardly or considered it in bad taste to refer to slaves and so use the weasel phrase "other Persons"). It was never about States Rights. Anyone who tells you that is a fucking liar.

I just as soon these state's rights buffoons do us all a favor and find some embarrassingly public way to fuck off and die in a slow and painful manner, you know, visibly and audibly shit their pants, fall over, squeal like a pig, drop stone dead and become extinct like the reptiles they are.

(Was that..? Was that over the top? No matter).

But of course, they ARE going to celebrate. And therefore, I think other anniversaries of other incompetent fuckups should be pooled together for a celebration. And it just so happens, by coincidence, that 2011 provides that.

So, along with the rise of the Confederacy, I celebrate other great fuckheads: the military administration of the Empire of Japan (1941); L. Ron Hubbard (born 1911); Jim Jones, Jonestown (born 1931); the Deutsches Kaiserreich (1871); many, many, many others.