The ISS, the International Space Station is in its second decade in orbit, and has travelled 1.5 billion miles, which, if it had been in a straight line, would put it nearly in reach of Uranus. Yes, I said Uranus. Fucking grow up.
The Tevatron, Fermilab's 2 trillion electron volt proton/anti-proton particle accelerator gets a three year program extension, until 2014. Fermilab will continue its work to look for the Higgs particle, the particle which physicists theorize gives matter its mass. It is not known what the elusive Higgs will look like, but some suggest a strong resemblance to Mr. Peanut – albeit, like, really, really small, dude.
A researcher at the California National Primate Research Center may have contracted a virus which jumped species just like in the Hollywood horror movie scenario. Not much else to say, except, if true, serves you right you monkeyfucker.
On the tech front, the Japanese have moved a step closer to their dream of not just fucking humanoid robots, but becoming humanoid robots. Further revisions to the Actroid-F model 7. Reports coming in vary but the consensus is it is getting to be less and less like fucking Yoko Ono.
And finally, giant dragonflies have been successfully raised in high oxygen chamber in a simulation of late Carboniferous conditions. Biologists report dragonflies with wingspans of 300 feet. Plans are to contract out giant Japanese humanoid battle bots should the dragonflies threaten the warehouse district.
That is All!
So what are they going to do with giant dragonflies?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you asked. The plan is that Eastern Kentucky and West Virgina will be clear cut, the resin from pines boiled down to a quater-nile cube of amber. The giant dragonflies to be embedded in it, and the whole enterprise buried someplace in Nevada near the bomb test sites to make future paleontologists shit their pants. And it's not even April 1st! Wonder what they got planned for then!
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