Monday, December 14, 2009

La Muerte Roja

I was going to write about Claymation Porn, mainly because there is not enough of it, and what there is of it is not particularly interesting or imaginative. But that would take less than a paragraph to cover, and besides, I'd just be better off making my own Claymation Porn and putting in a video link.

I also kind of felt like making fun of Vegans, but perhaps they're too easy of a target. 

So maybe make fun of Libertarians instead, or at the very least point out (like, duh, it needs to be?) that their prophet Ayn Rand was definitely one fucked-in-the-head psychotic bitch, so how is it possible that her whole political ideology is not equally fucked in the head? Again, too easy of a target. 

Or maybe combine topics and do a Claymation Porn of alternate world President Ron Paul getting fucked over by the reintroduction of the Gold Standard ala Winston Churchill in 1926 and then the dollar takes a shit and we all have to learn to speak Chinese?  

(And ain't it weird how, when I first started out writing, I had nothing to say, and now I got too much to say)?

So instead I figured I'd do followup on my cold, as surely everyone is very interested in the variety and volume of the various bodily fluids that I am hocking up and/or blowing out.

Magaly at Pagan Culture wished me a happy recovery of sorts, kind of a voodoo/sympathetic magic/bad vibratory impulse/get well e-card type of well wishing in the prior post's comments, which I appreciate. 

The one thing I noticed was her reference to the movie "Osmosis Jones" (which I've not seen) and his battle with La Muerte Roja. Now, I went to IMDB to read the summary of the movie, and there was no mention of the Red Death. So maybe she's combining and mutating Poe's story The Masque of the Red Death with the movie.

At any rate, the question is, how did I know la muerte roja meant the red death? I've never taken a course in spanish. Never made any attempt, like basically all white-bred Amurkins, to speak the language, and yet, I know it. Not only do I know it, but I kind of vaguely understand, get the gist of, all the billboards, bilingual signs in stores, even commercials and shows on Telemundo (which I sometimes watch without understanding anything, but, you know, just to see the hot chicas). 

Well, of course, its partly because English is such a loose old Piccadilly streetwalker, a fun old whore, who will let just about any word into the lexicon, which is something I like about her. But it also has to be through osmosis (we have a completed association now) that I've picked up so much spanish.

I mean, let's face it. We are a bilingual nation. Maybe we should make it official. I know it would drive a lot of reactionary old codgers to distraction if we do it, but when you think about how intimately associated we stodgy old Anglos are with the Latin world, it would be nice to just get it all out in the open. 

There's an old joke. 

Q: What do call someone who speaks two languages?
Q: What do call someone who speaks one language?
A: American.

Now it's a good joke, but it also means that we Americans are dumb, stupid, ignorant, fat, lazy arrogant cocksuckers who ignore the rest of the world at our peril. I'd kind of like to change that image. So for starters, it's not like we have to go metric, but maybe, come on! Why not? Let's go bilingual!

Market forces have resulted in bilingual signs and service people everywhere. We're halfway to speaking spanish as it is, let's just do it. What do say, amigo?


  1. You know, I don't read every blog I follow every day, but I always make time to read two--yours is one. I do it because I love to laugh about interesting, intelligently said, obvious topics. I'm behind you *jump!* all the way on the "Let's go bilingual" part, that way we can all talk about everyone else in a second language they didn't understand.

    Here is a link about La Muerte Roja, just because I like you:

  2. This made me laugh a couple of times. My old neighborhood in the city sported billboards in Spanish. that's one of the things I loved about it. They won't last too much longer though cause gentrification is making it purty white. But yeah, let's do it, especially here in Texas. We've been Mexico and speaking spanish for a whole hell of a lot longer than we've been American and speaking english.

    When I was a kid, the vet we took the dog to had a dead potted plant in the waiting room with a sign on it that said, 'la planta es muerta'. My introduction to spanish. I'll never forget it.